Mood Swings.

I've been very angry today. I think it's because of all the stress i'm under to keep my head above water.

I recently transferred from one store to another and i worked last Sunday for the new store but i haven't gotten paid for it yet. So other than that i got paid for the rest of the week but it's not enough for me to survive especially since i have to pay every week just to live where i am.

I'm stressed on other points though, I have cats to feed and take care of in general and also i have to do laundry at some point but it seems like its always between that and feeding myself and my boyfriend until he gets some money to help out. Then it turns out i just wash my clothes in the sink instead of actually really washing them. So the cats stay fed and then we stay fed.

On another note. Something that has been really bugging me for awhile and i just can't get around to saying it to her. My best friend still has feelings for my boyfriend. She and i had discussed things much earlier then when he finally asked me out and she had told me that [when] he asks me to just go for it because she would rather him be with me than some b****.

At first when i talked to her after we got together she wouldn't really talk to me then she would and she would say how its better or how she doesn't want to talk about it even though she's the one that would bring it up.

Now, every time we talk even though she has a boyfriend, she's for some reason still "getting" over mine. In my view though, if she's still getting over mine then she shouldn't be with someone else and trying to love them. It's not fair to them and not fair to herself. I can't stand it any longer and when she asked me what was wrong last night it took everything in me not to tell her off. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know if the next time we talk i can keep myself from saying something.

no more

I love how people who i thought i considered friends just keep using me.

They know i'll be there for them, they know if they need money and i can help them out that i will.. but now i'm in my own little funk and the only people i can count on to be there for me are two of my sisters, my bf, and my parents.

One friend who considers me a sister owes me about $200, an ex-roommate of mine also owes me $200, and another friend owes me about $30. And considering my situation right now and the people that are involved i probably won't see that money ever again. Everyone else that asks to borrow money from me pays me back promptly! These people have taken their good old time to pay me back. And not even attempting to at that.

The one friend told me she had to pay a bill that was 100 something bucks so she didn't have the money to pay me when i had asked for it the first time yet she had 400 bucks on her person!

Hopefully i will be able to get this money from these people. If not i don't think i can really do anything because it wasn't documented. However the one person i know for a fact i'm going to drop as a "friend" i've been knowing for awhile i should but i can't take the stress she puts me under anymore.

If it's not this money issue it's the fact that she still has feelings for my boyfriend but she won't openly admit it. And frankly i'm just tired of hearing it. She has a boyfriend she shouldn't have feelings for mine. It's one of those situations where she'll tell me how great her boyfriend is and how much she loves her boyfriend but if i say something like that she just doesn't want to hear it because it hurts her too much. And when she hangs out with me she has to constantly say "oh it's getting better" when in reality i know it's not if she has to keep saying it. See at first when i started dating my boyfriend i could stand to hear this stuff but now, it's getting super annoying to the point where i want to bite her head off.

Musings.

Over the past few weeks i've been thinking about becoming a hermit-ish person and doing some seriously deep study through several different religions... I don't know what really brought this on but it's starting to be one of those things i REALLY have an undeniably STRONG desire to do.

Normally when i want to do a study on a certain religions it's because i want to see what is so attractive about such a religion... But right now i don't know why i wanna do it...i think it's an underlying "Need- to- know" type thing.. Cuz i'm one of those people if i have a weird question or just a question in general that someone can't supply me with the answer with i'll go find the answer myself. And it's been happening a lot lately to the point where it's kinda creeping me out.

Besides that i've discovered another thing about myself that i never put together... I'M OBSESSED WITH EGYPTIAN ROYALTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now Obviously i'm not DEEP into it i probably will be at some point but who knows how far... i'm more into the more well known royals i.e. Cleopatra, Nefertiti, King Tutankhamun, Ramses II... etc. But dang... everytime there's a special on television about them or there's something in the paper or what not i've just GOT to have it!!!

Likewise with British royals... and no i'm not talking about the current ones.. I'm talking about the ones during the Tudor and Victorian reigns. And it's one of those things if i decide to do this study in those other religions i'm going to likewise probably go into the history of the Egyptian and British Royals.

But obviously i've got to have another source of income for all this if i'm going to go into seclusion.. So i've been looking into at home jobs.. even avon O.O and i've yet to decide on anything but once i do...and i'm successful i'll be ready to do what i feel this strong need to do...